Agape

♫ LISTENING TO: RECKLESS LOVE – CORY ASBURY

Oh it’s Holy Week.

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

I am reminded that God meets us where we are.

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Jesus meets Simon Peter at his level of love for Him — Phileo love — according to the original Hebrew scriptures.

And that was what led Simon Peter to grow in his love towards Agape level for Jesus, because Jesus accepted his Phileo love. Jesus was willing to start where Peter was.

I believe in life, acceptance of our loved ones is what encourages us to be better persons for ourselves and for others. It helps us to love better.

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Agape

God worked everything for our good

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My son developed a rash — viral exanthem (as his paediatrician puts it), or roseola — after his fever subsided.

My husband and I couldn’t see it at first, but after coming back from the nursery in the evening, the rash had already reached his face and he looked like a sunburned Hawaiian baby. Haha. He got his dad’s nice skin that’s slightly darker than mine.

We decided to take him back to the hospital the next morning, as instructed by his paediatrician, just to make sure it’s nothing serious.

Thank God it really turned out to be nothing serious, as my son was still his usual happy and active self. The doctor said it is only one kind of virus, and it won’t be the first and last time that my chubby cheeks son will get another virus again. Oh parenthood!

Other than that, we are very grateful. We went home with a flu medicine and a moisturing cream in case his skin might get itchy or dry. I skipped work and spent the whole day with him.

Little that we know, how God worked in such a way for our good today, that the power was out at his nursery from 9am till the end of the day. And during the whole time, my son was with us instead of being at the nursery. Poor babies and caretakers!

God worked everything for our good

Grateful

Oh it’s been a while. Apart from being married, I have a son now 

My 7-month old son fell ill over the weekend. Had fever and temperature kept rising past 38.4°C. No flu, no cough. His paediatrician wrote it off as viral fever.  Freaked the daylights out of me. Of all the weekends, it had to be the weekend that my husband had to be out of town for work.

After 3 days of fever and 1 day of recovery, my son’s temperature has stabilised last night. And I also noticed one little tooth bud erupting — his top right canine. Oh dear. His gums must have felt so uncomfortable that he picked up viruses from the things he was biting. So that’s where the virus came from. He goes to nursery by the way.

This weekend made me grateful. Grateful for the full  4 days spent with my baby. I will never get this time back. Grateful that my husband spent time with us over videocalls throughout the day (He usually is too workaholic, but I am grateful he has learned to balance his time to include more family time). This weekend also showed me my maternal strengths and instincts — I managed to nurtured my son back to health. With lots of prayers, of course. Couldn’t do without it. It was all God’s grace that I was to stay calm and quick-thinking while my husband was away. I got to take of myself (it’s been a while) — cooked myself healthy meals (how I miss home-cookings — sometimes I’m just too tired to cook after coming back from the office), got my milk supply up, yay (Been ill myself the past 2 weeks due to diarrhea), got to tidy up the house abit and do laundry, got my time disclipine back … and most of all, I mastered feeding my son without dropping food on his romper. Practice indeed makes perfect.

I just wanted to remember this season, especially in this time of Lent. Thank you Lord.

 

 

Grateful

In a tangle

How I desire more
but torn between two
I would love to leave and spread my wings
but I would also love to stay and build
where I am planted
I am in a daze
How then can I make a choice
that gives me the abundance of my own life
My heart yearns for the adventure of starting over
Am I a free soul that takes off
or do I leave when it gets uncomfortable
Can I not stand to be vulnerable

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I am stuck
My ankle in a tangle
I would not forgive
if I am still where I was five years ago
But it is not the place
But the state of being
Where am I now?
I reflect as I write
I guess I found my starting point
for self-discovering
It’s time
I need to decide
before anything can happen

In a tangle

The Earth renews itself.

♫ Listening to: Colleagues Chattering


Friend: What do you think is happening to the world now… with all the typhoons, heavy rains…. and all nature’s ‘beautiful but scary stuff’?
I am not really sure what is happening to the world now. I am just blessed and grateful that I am where I am right now. Safe and away from natural disasters 😭

I try not to think much about it, and just pray everyone is at a safe place while the earth changes its skin, transforms and renews itself. I read somewhere that the earth does this. It merely renews itself. It’s a good topic to look up.

It is true that irresponsible human beings are polluting, abusing and destroying the earth. And the earth has the power to heal itself, regardless of how we humans feel 😂 I mean, before anything happens, I believe the earth would have already sent signs of things to come, to prepare us, to prompt us to do something different, something better. It is not a thing that happens overnight–it is a constant sending of signs and warnings before anything huge and drastic happens, like what it is happening today.

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The earth has no brain. It is an object, whereas human beings have a brain. The earth is merely functioning in its own creative design. So, the question is, are we not supposed to take care of the earth and all its creation? If we create imbalance, for sure the earth would respond as it should. Is there another way that the earth would respond? The earth would definitely respond if there is a change in its the original flow in its system.

God gave us this beautiful earth, in all its signs and wonders, as a gift. For us to govern it. For us to run it. It is in our power. And what are we doing? Who gave us right to complain that God lets bad things happen when it is our duty and responsible to take care of what is given to us? God, is a Man of His own words. He cannot go against itself and His own designs. He weeps when the earth has to renew itself drastically because of the imbalance in its atmosphere. Because if the earth doesn’t do that and dies, we humans are no more.

Regarding the end of the world, the Day and Hour is unknown: “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father (Matthew 24:36)”.

So what current issues shall we look into and what practical steps shall we take to take care and keep the earth clean and healthy, so we get to enjoy its abundance and beauty in full?

The Earth renews itself.

Good morning, it’s Monday!

Good morning. It’s Monday.

I joined a local kampung prayer meeting last night. I miss praise and worship so much 😭😭😭 The music volume was right, the singing volume was right, the atmosphere was right … it wasn’t long into the first action song, I was freely moving to the actions and music. I mentally took a step back and thought to myself, “What’s happening to you, Tatiana?”

It was then I realised I haven’t felt free during a praise and worship session in a long, long time.

Last night, I felt alive. It was like I felt my blood began to flow, and my heart began to leap, joy was bubbling inside me.

Then a favourite song of mine was sung. I broke down. My walls came down.

Kumau cinta Yesus selamanya
Kumau cinta Yesus selamanya
Meskipun badai silih berganti dalam hidupku
Ku tetap cinta Yesus selamanya

Reff.
Ya Bapa Bapa, ini aku anakMu
Layakkanlah seluruh hidupku
Ya Bapa Bapa, ini aku anakMu
Pakailah sesuai dengan rencanaMu

Maybe also, I was in the presence of friends who were santai, and were just pleasantly happy to see us and greeted us with hugs or a handshake. And we could be funny and just laugh to our hearts’ content.

Truth be told, I’m tired, I’ve been tired for a long time. Tired of being prim and proper. Tired of having to fit into people’s boxes of principles and ideas of how things should be. Tired of having to have answers. Tired of explaining myself. Tired of thinking. Tired of swimming in my emotions with little way out. Tired of meeting high expectations. Just leave me alone please 😭 Just let me handle things the way I can handle. Accept me as I am.

Today, I declare I am tired of adulting. With that, I will learn to do things for me, create things for me, plan for me … because if I am happy, then I will willingly do happy things… for myself and for people.

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Good morning, it’s Monday!